At the beginning of March, just shy of our one year anniversary, my boyfriend Erik and I moved out on our own. It has definitely been difficult as any new environment/situation will be but completely rewarding! I’ll post about our “Humble Abode” at a later time once we are completely situated. For now, I want to share a couple pictures from this weekend. We drove down to Erik’s parents’ house so I could meet his Grandma. Of course we had to take our four-legged children. Enjoy 5 minutes of the car ride down!
I had been searching for a new shampoo and conditioner for quite some time (I had settled on using what ever was already in the shower 😂). It was perfect timing when I received the #FiestaVoxbox from Influenster. In it was a travel size sample of the Not Your Mother’s Beach Babe Shampoo and Conditioner. Let me start off by saying it smells AMAZING! It has a very breezy coconut smell that lasts for days. LITERALLY! I could still smell coconut in my hair even on second and third day hair! This shampoo and conditioner is awesome for people with hair that is dry; even for minor cases of dandruff. It locks in moisture, leaving hair and scalp looking shiny and healthy. For people who’s hair gets oily quickly, I recommend using this pair once to twice a week as it can accelerate greasiness. Apart from that, I love it! 😍
*I received these products complimentary from Influenster for testing purposes.
Two days ago I celebrated my 20th birthday. One of the many wonderful gifts I received was a journal. So I decided to start journaling. I started it this morning at 3:31 am and I somehow feel older and more sophisticated, I kinda like it! Anyway, that inspired a sort of crazy idea. Someone very close to me was diagnosed with cancer and I’ve known about it for a little over a month now and I’m kind of going crazy. So I decided to start a journal dedicated to them. In that journal I plan to write letters to them and I don’t know random things in there. I’m not sure if I plan on giving them the journal, I’ll see. I couldn’t really find anything on this sort of idea so I figured I’d just post it here.
At times, we have to put on a brave face to support someone else. And it’s fine, it even seems like things are getting better, but by putting on a brave face for someone else, our own feelings get pussed away. They build and build and build, until we cannot retain them any longer. And that “brave face” breaks. Sometimes, that “brave face” needs to hear “it’s gunna be okay”.
Why are we so intrigued by the things we can not have? Is it the thrill of the chase or discovering why you can not have it? Perhaps its a mixture of both. However, when the heart becomes involved that initial intrigue becomes a sort of obsession. Suddenly you will stop at nothing to get what you can not have, even if it is morally wrong.
P.S. Am I the only one who can not and will not go to sleep anytime between 3:00 am and 3:59 am because it is the so-called “Witching Hour”?
I got my rook piercing for almost a year ago and I absolutely love it! The first time I ever saw this piercing was on YouTube on Sammi from BeautyCrush. Instantly I fell in love with the placing and “unique”ness of it and became determined to get it. Here I am, a almost a year later, still loving my piercing! 😀
Am I the only one who longs for these “grown up” things (serious relationships, a groovy space, etc) then gets a weird, almost sick feeling in their stomach because it’s almost too grown up to handle? I thought it was just me and my weirdly absurd mind doing what it does best, turning an absolutely normal situation into something repulsing.
Music is a universal language that everyone fluently understands. All around the world, music is used to accommodate certain situations. Whether it has words or not, music depicts some sort of meaning to everyone. It can be used to celebrate as well as change the way someone is feeling.
In my life, music has walked me through many situations. But the way I listen to music and comprehend it has definitely changed. I went from finding meaning and relating every lyric to something or someone to letting music embrace me and carry me through its melody.
“Voy a Pintar Mi Raya” – Banda Arkangel R-15
The title of this song translates to “I will draw my line”. The song itself is about a guy that distances himself from the love of his life because things didn’t work out. He says he’s going to leave and that he wishes her the best and that if she decides to come back, he’ll be patiently waiting for her. I chose this song as the first song to my soundtrack because it was my dad’s favorite song. Unfortunately, my dad passed away in a car accident when I was three.
Anyone that knew my dad knew this was his favorite song. According to my mom, this song was on a cassette of his and he would play it over and over again. Friends and relatives of my dad, say that in the days surrounding my dad’s death, my dad would say that an elderly couple that used to live next door was standing next to my sister’s crib. The look on his face was of genuine fear. It was during those days that my dad visited many people he hadn’t seen in a long time. He was leaving his loved ones; he was saying goodbye.
On January 17, 1998 Guadalupe Gutierrez lost his life when his car slammed into a pole on the intersection of 79th and Cicero.
When I listen to this song, the guy represents my dad. My dad “unexpectedly” left his loved ones. I put unexpectedly in quotations because my dad knew what was coming and was given the opportunity to say goodbye unlike many people. Just like the guy from the song who is patiently awaiting for his true love to come back to him, my dad is in heaven waiting to be reunited with his loved ones. In the meantime, he makes his presence known and reminds us he’s watching over us. Without a doubt this was his favoirte song, as the cassette was in the car when he passed away and still has drops of his blood on it.
“Macarena” – Los Del Rio
Since the passing of my dad, my mom has had to overcome many obstacles and stereotypes as a single mother. While she could’ve been persuing a new love, like many expected her to, she devoted her time to us instead. Always making sure we were clean and had food in our tummy. I admire the fact that she was able to provide a normal childhood for us. When I think back to my childhood, not one thing is missing. Me and my sister both learned to ride bikes and roller blade. But our favorite was when it was time to water the grass, we had our own water park in the front yard. She never failed to keep us happy. Among the many childhood memories I have, the Macarena is playing as a theme song. I was the Macarena dancing queen. I would let my mom make millions of ponytails in my hair, put on my favoirte tweety bird dress, and “do the Macarena”. Every chance I had, I would challenge anyone to out dance me. I of course always won. When I listen to the Macarena, it brings back many memories filled with laughter and happiness, and I thank my mom for that.
“Happy Together” – The Turtles
The first time I remember hearing this song I was 8 years old. I remember thinking, that song sounds so weird and the rest of the day I had “so happy together” stuck in my head. I never knew the name of this song until I had to do this project. I never asked my mom because it was the complete opposite of the mariachi music she always listened to.
It’s part of my soundtrack because it embodies me. It’s a weird, laidback song, with very few lyrics. According to me, I look “normal” to the average person, but I like and do weird things, hence the melody of the song. The song’s short lyrics symbolize my shyness. For as long as I can remember, I have always been extremely quiet. I can distinctly remember being in a dollar store with my mom when we happened to run into a woman we used to know. The first thing out of her mouth when she recognized me was, “Are you still quiet?” It’s not that I’m afraid to speak or make new friends, I’m simply an observer.
“Thrift Shop”- Mackelmore x Ryan Lewis
For as long as I can remember, my family has always shopped at “La Segunda”. “La Segunda” is what my family calls any thirft store. My mom had to make ends meet somehow, but when I was little I never understood that. I saw it as an embarrassment. Everyone was wearing this seasons brand name clothes, and I had clothes from “la segunda”. I look back now, and realize I never wore clothes that were raggedy or torn. It was good quality clothing just at a lower price. I wore clothes from the thrift all through elementary school and high school. In high school where everyone worries about each others clothes, there was no way I could say I got it from a thrift store, I would’ve become an outcast. I would lie and say I couldn’t remember the name of the store or that it had been a gift. I still wear thrift store clothes not only becasue it is alot cheaper than the stores at the mall, but it’s in style! Up until six months ago, I still had a problem wearing thrift store clothes. Then this song came out, and it was the little push I needed to get over it. When people ask me where I got something from, I proudly say “From the thrift”. I even discovered a whole community of thrifters. Many of the girls I work with are thrifters themselves, we even plan trips. Besides helping me to overcome my shame, this song has helped me learn it’s okay to be different. It has helped me accept who I am, and brush of anyone who has a problem with it.
“My Boo”- Usher Ft. Alicia Keys
Just like every girl, I dreamt of being in love, feeling the millions of butterfly wings flutter in my stomach, the magical sensation of a first kiss and spending an entire lifetime with that special someone.
Even before fourth grade, I was legit boy crazy. I remember being in kindergarten and sticking my tongue out at a boy, according to me I was flirting. It was in second grade when I believe I met my first love. His name was Jesus. He was amazing at kickball, he was the cutest boy in class, our birthdays were only a month apart; he was perfect! How could I not crush on him!? I always wanted to be next to him, even if I would turn into a huge pile of Jello when I was near him. If he was the line leader for the boy’s line, I wanted to be the line leader for the girl’s line. The one time our teacher put our desks right next to each other, I dreaded going to school. There was no way I could creepily look at him from a far! I also hated showering so if I missed a shower, there was no way I was going to sit next to him! I can’t remember if my love for him was obvious or I told my friends, but one time this girl asked me if I liked him and I said yes. That was the biggest mistake of my life. She sat next to him in class and told him! That day I came home from school and wrote in my diary that I hated that girl because she had embarrassed me in front of him, not that I wasn’t doing a good job on my own with my bowl cut. As second grade progressed, he eventually caught on and things became really awkward. Second grade was the only year we were in the same classroom. After that, I still saw him around school but I was too embarrassed to look at him. In fourth grade when this song came out, I automatically thought of him. I imagined having the relationship from the song, of being each other’s first kiss, etc. In fifth grade I moved away and never saw him again. We never dated, but he always held a special place in my heart.
Sophmore year of high school I met a guy that went to the same high school as Jesus. It was through him, that I learned Jesus had been diagnosed with Leukemia. I didn’t cry in front of my new friend, but when I came home I cried like a baby. It was devastating to think that that one special person could be put through something so terrible. With the magical world of Facebook, I found him! Unfortunately this story does not end with us dating, but he’s a survivor and I couldn’t ask for anything else.
It was Jesus and this song that set the bar for relationships to come, butterfly wings fluttering and all.
“Take Ya Home” – Li’l Bow Wow
I was in second grade when this song came out. It was everyone’s favorite song. When our teacher would take us outside to play on the playground, all the kids in my class, boys and girls, would reanact their version of the video. A few boys would pond on some wind chimes to imitate the beat of the song, girls would sing the girls part and boys would rap Bow Wow’s part. I guess we truly were a performing arts school. This was the first song that I every memorized word for word. I remember sitting in the passengers seat of my mom’s car, with the windows down, this song as high as it could go and me singing along with it. Of course my mom didn’t like it, it wasn’t Mariachi music but I didn’t care, it was a song I loved. This song began my love for hip hop.
“All of My Life” – MC Magic
As a freshmen in high school, everyone was talking about who they were kissing and who they were dating. Here I was, fourteen, never had a first kiss much less dated a guy. I felt the need to get it over with, I wanted to talk about kissing and guys too; I wanted to fit in. In December, my family and I went to Mexico and it finally happened. I had my first kiss with a guy I didn’t know very well who was half drunk and extra sloppy. It was nothing like the kiss from “My Boo”, but at least now I could fit in. I couldn’t have been more wrong and right in my life.
While I now had some sort of input in conversations about boys, it wasn’t enough. My few kisses couldn’t compare to those of my friends, besides they had boyfriends and I couldn’t even remember the name of the guy I kissed. My desire and longing to fit in was so overwhelming, I was determined to get a boyfriend. I leaped at the first opportunity that came along. I overlooked the fact that he was eight years older than me and the fact that it was illegal in the state of Illinois for an adult to have any kind of romantic relationship with a minor. I could care less, I had a boyfriend.
Our “relationship” lasted 3 months exactly, even if we only saw each other twice. Since he was eight years older than me, there was no way I was going to tell my mother that I wanted to hang out with him; much less that he was my boyfriend. We would talk on the phone every day, and I would use my friends’ phones to text him from school. In my eyes it was perfect, my friends constantly complained about their boyfriends ignoring them and here I was, my first boyfriend and it was perfect. After about a month of “dating”, those three little words came out. First he dedicated a song to me, which is this one. I had heard it before and I liked it but again I didn’t know the name of it and my friends weren’t into this kind of music so I kind of forgot about it. Then when he dedicated it to me it felt really nice. It was a song that I already liked, he was just adding more meaning to it. After the song ended, he said it, “I love you”. The first thing that popped into my head was he doesn’t mean it, but I went along with it and said it back. I replayed that night and that song so many times I began to believe I actually did love him. After that night, I was determined to hang out with him. I lied to my mom and told her there was no school, so I could stay home, get ready and have him pick me up. Well it worked, we hung out and according to me I fell for him even more. We only hung out one more time before my mom found out.
When she found out it was a big disaster. She called the police and pressed charges. We said many terrible things to each other only diminishing any traces of trust. At that time, my world was crumbling down. Who was I going to talk to every night? How could I continue to fit in when I didn’t have a boyfriend anymore? Since I couldn’t talk to him anymore, I only became more attached to this song. I literally clung to his every word, so the last time that I talked to him and he told me once I turned eighteen we could finally be together it gave me hope. I went on for a year saying that once I turned eighteen I wasn’t going to go to college, I was going to start a family and settle down.
It took me an entire year to realize it wasn’t going to happen.
“Blunt Blowin” – Li’l Wayne
I had yelled at my mom many times telling her that I was going to be happy with him and I was going to prove her wrong, that he did love me. After I realized I wasn’t going to be reunited with the “love” of my life, I became angry. My mom was right once again. As a teenager, it as so difficult to accept that. I was fifteen, I was invincible! How could my mom outsmart me!? My attitude changed completely. I was constantly mad, I still went to school but if I didn’t feel like doing my homework I wouldn’t do it. I only went to school because I wanted to get my license, and to do that I had to go to drivers ed. One day my sister’s friend came over and I found this song on his iPod. This song channeled something inside me, not because I was “blunt blowin”, but the angry beat of the song connected with the anger I felt inside. The whole time my sister’s friend was over I played this song on repeat as high as it could go. It most likely damaged my ears, but it felt good. The few close friends I had didn’t drink or smoke so I was never really drawn towards that. Even if I had been, I wouldn’t know where to get it from. Instead this song became my high. When I finally got my license I began working at my neighbors Mexican Restaurant in Frankfort. It was summertime, I had my license and this song was on repeat. Feeling the bass of this song vibrating the entire car was amazing! Ironically, it would calm me. If work had been stressful, I would blast this song and by the time I was home, I was completely relaxed. Even now, if I’m feeling stressed I’ll play this song and after about 15 minutes I’ll feel so much better. If it hadn’t been for the discovery of this song, I can’t even imagine the person I’d be today.
“Tango Del Pecado” – Calle 13
The title of this song translates to “The Tango of Sin”. The song is about a guy who is marrying a girls that is a goody two shoes. He’s a troublemaking, hipster, who’s head over heels in love with the girl. He talks about her sneaking off with him, and how her parents are going to be ashamed of her. He says that her parents wish she would marry someone normal. He basicaly explains how the girl he loves left her innocent and pure world behind, to give into temptation and dance with the sins of the devil.
This song is the last song to my soundtrack because, it portrays who I have become. I went from being a straight A student who did everything mommy told her to do word for word, to a young adult who is on the journey to self discovery. I’ve dated people my mom didn’t aprove of, but everyone of them opened my eyes to a different world. A world filled with freedom and fun; a world that has to be hidden from my mom. This song embodies me because infront of my mom I am well behaved and “normal” but when I’m with my friends or when I go out, that’s when I quite literally dance with the sins of the devil. If she ever found out what this hidden world consits of, I would never see the light of day again.
When I listen to this song, it reminds me of that world. Even when I’m with my family, I can still keep a part of the “true me” with me.
Works Cited
“Banda Arkangel R-15 – Voy A Pintar Mi Raya.” YouTube. YouTube, 24 Oct. 2009. Web. 08 Mar. 2013.
“Happy Together- The Turtles.” YouTube. YouTube, 15 May 2008. Web. 08 Mar. 2013.
“Lil Bow Wow – Take Ya Home.” YouTube. YouTube, 03 Apr. 2011. Web. 08 Mar. 2013.
“Lil Wayne- Blunt Blowin’ [The Carter LV].” YouTube. YouTube, 25 Sept. 2011. Web. 08 Mar. 2013.
“Los Del Rio – Macarena (Original Video) [HD].” YouTube. YouTube, 28 Dec. 2011. Web. 08 Mar. 2013.
“MACKLEMORE & RYAN LEWIS – THRIFT SHOP FEAT. WANZ (OFFICIAL VIDEO).” YouTube. YouTube, 29 Aug. 2012. Web. 08 Mar. 2013.
“Official MC MAGIC – ALL MY LIFE Ft Nichole.” YouTube. YouTube, 05 Nov. 2008. Web. 08 Mar. 2013.
“Tango Del Pecado-Calle 13.” YouTube. YouTube, 21 Feb. 2009. Web. 08 Mar. 2013.
“Usher – My Boo (ft. Alicia Keys).” YouTube. YouTube, 25 July 2012. Web. 08 Mar. 2013.
Nattykins xD 